because the name Alvin is taken.


As the nation waits for 916.
August 31, 2008, 1:17 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

A little over half a century ago our forefathers put my country into a state of liberty.

I was born in this country 20 years ago. I’ve lived here for 20 years. I’ve been walking on this land for 20 years. I am a 20 year old Malaysian citizen.

What is this obsession of associating me and a country I’ve not stepped foot on throughout my entire life? Why do I need to return to a foreign land when I’m already home?

Was my country independent a little over a century ago, or is it only beginning?



Knowledge and success.
August 30, 2008, 1:26 am
Filed under: And Socrates laughed in his grave

Education has lost its meaning. The holistic reason of promoting advancement in knowledge and nurturing minds to think critically has been overcome by the mere pursuit of a piece of paper.

Why do we study?

The mindset of many Malaysians is that the gateway to adulthood is through a degree. A degree is needed to start working, to start earning money, to start climbing the corporate ladder.

Start working in your early 20’s, be successful in your early 40’s, retire for golf in your 50’s. The Malaysian Dream.

Are we applying what we have learned into our daily lives? Did it all pay off?

Changing times.

They say that we’re transforming into a knowledge-based economy. Statistics show that there is an abundance of degree-holders, many of them unemployed. You’re faced with two choices:

1) To conform.

2) To find what you love.

What is your choice?

Do you find yourself struggling through assignments? Do you find yourself disliking classes? Do you find studying a waste of your time?

If the answer is yes to the questions above and you’re still in college/university struggling your way through it, then you are merely conforming to social expectations. Why do we need to conform? Aren’t we all individuals?

The true meaning of education.

Education should be synonymous with the desire to learn. The desire to expand our imagination. The burning fire within ourselves to better ourselves, the society and the world that we live in.

Why are we studying if we don’t like to study? At a tertiary level, I am sure that we’re able to think for ourselves. If I feel that a subject is rubbish, then I’ll treat it as rubbish. If I feel that an assignment is not worth doing, then the product would be an assignment that is written mainly to pass.

We should learn because we want to learn. I personally feel that knowledge has been taken for granted.

Below is a speech by Steve Jobs which I found really inspiring. It just shows that success is achieved not by what qualifications you have, but rather by having a clear vision of what you want.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.



August 28, 2008, 2:50 am
Filed under: new experience

Sorry for not updating the blog so often. There will be lengthy posts soon, believe me :) I’ve just not found the time to do so as of yet. Keep visiting and refreshing every 5 minutes. It’s worth it lol wtf.

Since I’m not in the mood to write/type but I’m on this page typing anyway, I might as well type about the experience I had a few hours ago.

So I’ve been posting on online classifieds looking for a committed band to play in. Agreed to meet up with this guy who owns a jamming place. Went over and we talked, as the others were late. I found out that he just bought over the place from the previous owner, and that he organizes gigs often.

A little history of the place: Remember the black metal issue back when it was over-dramatized a few years ago as the media accused black metal gig-goers as devil worshiping, holy book burning, goat blood drinking, sex crazy people? It’s the same place as where I was a few hours ago.

All those things did not happen though. It was just a sensationalized fictional issue.

There were t-shirts and band CDs, stage with trashed equipment (which he explains was the result from holding hardcore gigs), and several elevated chairs outside which were chained to the ceiling. There were also maggots crawling out from underneath the stage. I swear at times it smelled like there was something dead underneath. We were sitting around talking and sipping on some beer when everybody arrived.

The guy does not know how to play…

The other guitarist was being a sport though, telling him which fret on the bass to press etc. I could tell that the woman who joined us was getting quite annoyed as well. When she left, they started to play their own songs. I played along.

Mid-way through the first song, I realized that the girl that came with the guitarist and drummer was staring at me. This is no ordinary stare, this is the kind of stare equivalent to sexual harassment. If there were nobody else at that place except for me and her, I would’ve been made unconscious by means of chloroform and awaken the next day naked and sore. I was being eye-raped. As good as I look holding a guitar (lol =/) and acting like I know my stuff, I felt really uncomfortable.

I was quite entertained by their original songs (which I’m starting to doubt now, as I might be unconsciously comparing between the bassist and them), and I started enjoying playing them. The next thing I knew, I’m in the band. We exchanged numbers and he gave me his myspace page. They are having a performance this Saturday, and I’m supposed to be in it. The only time left for practice is on Thursday night.

Guilt and regret started to overwhelm me as I was driving back to my house. I used to make fun of these so called indie bands, as they all sound generic. I wouldn’t want to be caught in a stereotype of Mickey Mouse t-shirts, stratocasters, tight pants and Chuck Taylor’s.

I would be one of them. It would be reality.

I arrived home with my Big Mac, turned on the PC and listened to the songs that we played earlier on.

Oh my…

They certainly sounded way better when I was there with them (was it the alcohol?). I changed my mind. No more Mickey Mouse t-shirts. No more eye-rape.

I sms-ed the guy who owns the place, telling him that I would want to accompany my mum as there would be nobody else at home for the next few days (which is true, I was a bit reluctant to play at first because of this).

The guy should probably stick to organizing gigs instead of playing in one. Well, at least I enjoyed playing with the other guys and got free beer.



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August 22, 2008, 10:17 pm
Filed under: hormonal imbalance

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The trip.
August 20, 2008, 10:25 pm
Filed under: hormonal imbalance, new experience

The aerial view of city lights reminds me of where I am. Stepping foot onto familiar ground, the feeling of helplessness comes gushing in like a surge of electricity. Similar to a dove trapped in a cage, the freedom of body, mind and spirit remains as a superficial term.

The trip to Langkawi kicked off with a high degree of enthusiasm. The 3 nights spent on that island was an enjoyable experience. The walks on the beach and the sights and sounds of the beach bar at night certainly made me feel what I have not felt for a long time. I felt what it is like to not worry about a single thing.

The feeling of the smooth sand underneath my feet, the sound of the ocean, the slow pace of everyday life, the friendliness of the locals- it all seemed so surreal. It is as if the island is a separate entity on its own, staying alive by feeding on people who seeks shelter away from a place they call home.

A symbiosis of some sort happened, where happiness and sadness are traded upon to seek a balance for both entities.

And now the negativity surrounds me again…



Kencing.
August 14, 2008, 1:57 am
Filed under: And Socrates laughed in his grave, friends

Kencing :

-To be not truthful.

-To not keep his/her words.

Let us apply kencing into the context of our everyday lives:

1) Hamid asked his friends out for a movie. On the day when they’re supposed to meet up, Hamid did not turn up. He does not pick up his calls and when met the next day, said that his cat ate his phone/car exploded/other excuse.

- Hamid kencing-ed.

2) Alvin keeps mentioning about how he is involved in big businesses/organizations/events etc which is popular at that time. Cars, politics, girls and money are the top of his boast list.

- Alvin is kencing-ing.

3) Adrian receives calls and smses from his friends on invites to a movie/party/just to chat, and is replied with ’see first’ or ‘I’ll call you back later’.

- Adrian might be going to kencing.

Now that we’ve all familiarized ourselves with the meaning of kencing and its many applications, let us now delve into keywords used by people who often kencing:

1) See first.

2) I’ll call you back later.

3) Big industry names/celebrities/renowned carmakers/politicians.

4) I’ll be there.

These keywords do not differ from a regular person’s vocabulary in everyday phone calls. However, one must be able to differentiate a kencing, a potential kencing and a normal person.

Several factors that contributes to whether a person is capable of kencing:

1) The strength of the friendship.

2) The frequency of kencing occurrences.

3) The integrity of the person.

Finally, let us look into the consequences of being in touch with a kencing person:

1) Irritability.

2) High blood pressure.

3) Distrust.

A seasoned kencing expert might be able to get away with his/her acts of kencing before transitioning to a new environment (i.e from secondary school to college). Sadly, the act of continuous kencing from this person is irreversible.

More often than not, people of the kencing kind would realise that their kencing ways have made them lose friends along the way. This would result in a change in character of the kencing person. However, relapse into the kencing state is not uncommon once the circle of friends of that person widens.

In conclusion, knowledge of kencing is vital in order to gauge a person’s capability of holding responsibilities,trustworthiness and friendship. The usage of kencing is not advisable, though inevitable in certain situations. To kencing is sometimes regarded as a love hate dilemma of a different kind, where a person loves to kencing, but hates to be kencing-ed upon.



and I shall try to write about something.
August 10, 2008, 2:01 am
Filed under: routine

I’ve spent the whole week being occupied again. Cant really remember what I’ve been doing, but I’ve been feeling rather lethargic everyday. The 5 meals a day diet that I was trying out backfired with my stomach being upset on Friday. Was told that its a normal reaction because the body is getting used to it.

I’ll be at Langkawi this coming Thursday till Sunday. It has been years since I last step foot on a beach. Should be a fun experience :)

I want time to fly but at the same time I feel like time should maintain itself at this moment. Sort of feeling a mixture of negative and positive elements whether time moves on or it doesn’t. Though if I were given a choice to stop at this moment, I would. The feeling of impending difficulties would then not matter.

I might not be able to update on a frequent basis, as I have been trying to occupy myself everyday. The volunteer work has also taken a lot of my strength. Even as I type, I find it difficult to stay awake. I could bore you with pictures of what I’ve been doing and elaborate on it, but I’m too lazy to take pictures all the time.

Till the next (hopefully worthwhile) post, fellow Netizens.



I lied, I’m just too tired.
August 6, 2008, 9:32 pm
Filed under: hormonal imbalance

I’m not okay. I want to move away. I want to go somewhere new. I want to live in a new place. I want to study in a new place. I want to start over again.

Meet strangers. Taste new food. Breathe in a different type of air. Be nobody.



Things that you feel aren’t worth knowing, but still skim through because there’s nothing better to read.
August 5, 2008, 6:47 pm
Filed under: new experience

I’ve made a decision to make an attempt at gaining weight. Will be taking 5 meals a day with lots of protein and carbohydrate. I’ve tried gaining weight in the past and failed miserably (at one point gaining 5 kgs, but lost it back when I fell sick). Hope that it would not be wasted effort this time around.

I’ve made a decision to go to hip hop dance class (wtf) alone. I thought I would have a friend joining together with me, but it looks like I’m going alone now :( . I wouldn’t, for the life of me, think of joining a dance class till recently.  Just thought that experiencing something new is good.

Will be putting up a proper post later tonight when I have the time (hopefully).



August 3, 2008, 10:07 pm
Filed under: hormonal imbalance, new experience

It has been a really busy week. I don’t really have the time to type a whole lot here, but today was the only day I’ve managed to get some rest. I’ve done things that I thought I wouldn’t do, and it turned out quite alright. It was something worth remembering, and it took my mind off of things.

I would be coming up with a proper post soon.

I feel alone when I’m not doing anything.