Filed under: Uncategorized
I was having flashbacks of me watching a little bit of Oprah, Tyra Banks and Ellen DeGeneres on television, when I realized that men do not have similar role models when it comes to enriching the feminine part of our lives as mentioned in those talk shows. Similar to the Anima and Animus of Jungian theory and the Ying and Yang of Chinese philosophy, I believe that feminity and masculinity are complementary; a person has to be able to embrace both aspects of him or herself to become a complete person.
Masculinity is synonymous to independence, assertiveness, and control while feminity relates to attachment, cooperation and interpersonal connection. To be able to grasp both aspects would make a person androgynous.
For as long as history could tell us to this very day, the suppression of power by males on females is evident. Traits that are considered good were to be masculine traits (think bravery, brotherhood, independence, being a leader); men controlled economic and political power and to a certain extent dictate how the world goes round.
But does this hold true?
While women are rising up to the challenge and bringing about a greater sense of equality through breaking glass ceilings, thus challenging the world in what seemed to be driven by men and masculinity, men have not improved in the other half of their selfs to the extent women have improved theirs.
While women are improving in making themselves a complete person through embracing their feminity and excelling at what had been seen as masculine, men are stuck doing what they’ve been doing all these while- pursuing material wealth and power.
Sex and relationships are aspects of life that are still within the control of women, and men are at their mercy.
An example: What does a man do when he wants to pursue a relationship with a person of the opposite sex?
He supplicates and submits himself to her, hoping that he will get chosen.
He channels all of his energy towards her, while she is having a choice of many.
He deals with this issue indirectly, pursuing material wealth and power, in hopes of a female choosing him over others.
We, as men, are losing in the power struggle of humanity. If it were to be the survival of the fittest, it would only come down to two options for the male kind:
- to embrace both halves of a person, replicate and survive. Or,
- to deny our weaknesses, accept inferiority, and get weeded off in the process of evolution.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I noticed a lady listening to her iPod while having a cup of coffee on a Wednesday afternoon. Not a typical sight in Malaysia, where the collectivist nature of our culture predominates us, fearing judgment and inhibits us from real behavior and thought.
We exchanged pleasantries, and I noticed that her accent is not typical within the Malaysian population. I asked, and she mentions that she has been working as an accountant in the UK for 3 years but due to the current economic crisis, chose to come back to Malaysia for a break, and maybe even further her studies.
I then noticed a big ring on her index finger, but I ignored it for a moment, since we were having a conversation about which postgraduate programs are offered in the universities here. It turns out we are living in the same housing area, and she asked about good places to eat there late at night. We exchanged contact details, and I left.
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I was holding an ice blended Espresso, looking for a place to sit. Most of the seats are taken, and there was a person whom from first glance looked like my age. She looked Chinese, but at the same time did not resemble a pure Asian. My first guess would be that she is an Indonesian Chinese, but I could be mistaken. I asked if I could join her, and she nodded.
I noticed the cigarette that she is smoking: long, slim and refined. I asked her about it, and I soon found out that she is from Kazakhstan, and that the cigarettes were from her home country. I found out that Kazakhstan is a country between Russia and China, hence the mixed look (pardon my lack of Geography knowledge). She’s studying at a University College nearby, and lives at a high rise student condominium visible from the cafe. She said ‘it was nice to meet you’ and proceeded to get on a cab. There was a brief moment of hesitation on her part as she was leaving.
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We often tell jokes or stories that give the best response: laughter, amazement, or to any effect that we feel we would want to project to the other party. We find ourselves telling the same jokes to different people because it fulfills the purpose of a joke, which is to inject humor into the conversation. The more we use these conversational threads, the more proficient we get at it. We adopt these as conversational routines.
We just simply get better at talking by talking to more people and finding out what works. Chemistry does not happen by itself, it is made.
Discovering that conversation does not flow by mere coincidence made me see things in a different light. At first, a pessimistic view by which everything seemed mechanical. Later on, joy to be able to discover an individual’s unique self through rich and fulfilling communication.
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I meant to publish this sooner, but didn’t come around on doing it. I will be doodling again, for safekeeping. kuansean is open for business 
Filed under: Uncategorized
Having the lifestyle that I want within my grasp, but not being able to do so when I want it to happen.
Being the person that I want to be, but not being able to be who I want to be when I want to be who I want to be the most.
I guess it’s not my time yet.
Filed under: The Game.
Bad experiences are worth living through.
I used to think that the world was against me, that the world was nothing but a dark and unpleasant place, where people are filled with negative intent. I felt like nobody understood me.
It took me a while, but I stood up and started my modest journey with the intent to cure a heartbreak. It was exhilarating, it was fun. I was shown a world filled with many characters beyond what I would have imagined. The world was a playground.
And today, I’m a happy person.
Why am I happy?
- All that is needed is a switch of perception. To just be positive goes a long way. That is what I’ve been doing, and that is all I need.
- I recognized that everyone has to have standards in life.
- I acknowledge that everyone is unique in their own way.
- There is no use in blaming others.
- Because life is a learning experience.
Being positive.
I used to be a very negative person. But what I don’t realize is that by being negative, I’m drawing negative energy to myself. When things weren’t going my way, I would be negative and whine about it. My whole day would be ruined. Doesn’t it sound familiar? By focusing on the positive things in life, the negatives don’t really seem like a big deal anymore. Soon, I started noticing good things that were happening to me, things that I wouldn’t notice if I was being so negative in the first place. The secret to being happy is so simple- be positive.
Standards in life.
This is especially true for Beta Males. Must we cling on and be needy for a person? Have we ever thought about how it feels like to be an attractive woman? To be a person who has choice, who has control, who makes decisions that she wants. Enough with nonsense about her being unique etc, because in reality she isn’t. You feel that way because you don’t have choice, you don’t have control, and the decisions you make are based on the limited choices that you have. There are quality people out there, which brings me to:
Everyone is unique in their own way.
I simply cannot understand how a person would judge another so harshly without even having an actual conversation with the said person. Nature aside, we’re all going through and have become a product of nurture. Social forces determine how we interact with people. Beneath that rough exterior, there is a uniqueness in every person’s core. The only way we could get in touch with this uniqueness if we took the effort to build rapport, comfort, trust and respect. All this wouldn’t happen if a person has already failed the first step: to judge before knowing. The battle is already lost before it even begun.
Blaming others?
There is no use in this, simply because it doesn’t bring any benefit in doing so. Why feel bad when you can feel good? Just recognize that it all happened because our game is not tight. Girlfriend cheated? Game not tight. Guy stealing girlfriend? Game not tight. I doubt that by being Alpha, these things would occur. Even if it did, an Alpha male would have left her before that, or be unaffected by it, knowing that he has to be positive, have better standards than before, improve his game, and have this mantra internalized:
Life is a learning experience.
I live life everyday by being positive, and by being positive I know that things will go my way. These standards that I set are achievable, and I know it, and am therefore not desperate and live the moment. I take the time to interact with everyone and anyone, because everyone is unique in their own way. I enjoy conversations with people because I don’t judge, and I don’t see myself as being better than others. I do not blame others on my misfortunes, because the only person that could do something about it is me. Instead, I make it a learning experience, because life is meant to teach us things that we have not yet learned. These are the reasons why, today, I’m happy.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
There is a point in time in everyone’s life when everything that he or she has worked for boils down to that very moment- the last run for an athlete in the Olympics, the final jump shot before the buzzer goes off in a basketball match, the speech to deliver which determines the fate of one’s victory in an election.
Your heart beats faster than what you’ve ever felt before. Your hand trembles. You sweat profusely. You feel like the weight on your shoulders is too big of a burden. You feel like you’re not able to do it.
We’ve all had those moments, maybe not as much in comparison of magnitude to world movers and shakers, but nevertheless mean more to us than anybody else.
It could be the final exam which you have been preparing for the whole semester.
It could be the song you are about to perform in front of your friends for the first time.
It could be the girl who lives opposite your place.
We would have many of these moments in life. Many of which would not be remembered because we realized that it was not as hard as we thought it would be.
Then there is the one that gives you that itch on your body which does not go away, the one that you would remember years from now as the significant turning point in your life, the one that you remember as ‘the one that got away’.
Filed under: Uncategorized
We should be able to discern between what is the right and wrong decision. There is no in between, but what there is is a varying degree of right and wrong. When faced with a hard decision to make, there would be time to let it linger. The indecision can only linger for so long, because soon it would be time to make the call and move on.
The clock is ticking. My time is almost up.
Filed under: The Game.
Filed under: The Game.
Filed under: And Socrates laughed in his grave, hormonal imbalance, new experience
What constitutes personality? To what extent do our personality remain throughout our life span?
I went through a journey of self discovery throughout the past few months. One of which required a lot of self reflection and inner philosophical debate. Among the self reflection that I had was the necessity of my tendency to put a personality to a person; a personality which consists of mostly generalized overt behavior such as ‘lazy’ or ‘materialistic’. Am I right by putting a face to a person, or rather a drawing to an empty canvas?
Many would argue that acknowledging different people with a certain set of personalities would give meaning to our existence. We make sense of our world and get to live in it with a certain amount of predictability. We avoid the ones that gives an itch that cannot be relieved, and congregate with ones that gives us pleasure.
When I was much younger, I asked my dad the reason as to why people would want to sell their bodies to make a living. However little I earn, I would rather sweep the streets than to sell myself to strangers to quench their sexual appetite. I opposed prostitution with a burning desire.
But who am I to judge?
Have I been nurtured in equal conditions and turned out better than them?
The fact is I would not know if I would turn out better. I was not born in a rural village in China, I was not deprived of basic necessities to live, I was not given a fake promise to support my family while working in a distant land. I do not know this stranger. Who am I to pass judgment on a person whom I’ve not even spoken to?
I’m sure that everyone at some point in their lives have passed judgment on a population which consists of faces that they have not spoken to- girls that go to clubs are bad, Malays are lazy, rich boys are players.
Have we ever questioned ourselves on how shallow we are?
We may only be a single person, but what we do not realize is that one person brings a significant change. It may seem that the way we think does not carry weight in how the world revolves, but it only took one person to murder millions of innocent people to build a great Aryan nation, one person to rape, torture and behead countless of Chinese citizens, one person to drive a whole country into bankruptcy.
Hearsay does not make a person. Past experiences does not define a stranger.
We were just being ignorant and shallow.
It is hard to dissect and analyze every stereotype that I have. More so since it has helped me understand and survive in this world that I’ve lived in for the past 20 years. Though there should come a time when we have learned enough about the world to stand on our own two feet, and by that time we should be able to define a person by actual interaction and not prejudgment of a person just because he or she shares similarities with ones that we have encountered.
I might have deviated from my original content, but what I am trying to say is making a sweeping statement or passing judgment on a person we have not met or barely even know should not happen once we have matured from conventional thinking. I have grown out of it, when would most people do? Changing the way we think goes a long way, from making a person’s day to extremes such as reducing racial hatred.
Have a conversation with a stranger. Have lunch with a beggar. Have coffee with a prostitute. Everyone has a story to tell.
Filed under: The Game.
